Joe Squared (Station North, Baltimore, MD)

filename-joe2-jpg-thumbnail0Welp, it has finally come my first bad review. Joe Squared, located in the heart of hipster/weirdo central, has really slapped the pizza game in the face with their mockery of “square” pizza. Now again, I am probably so biased, due to my convenience of growing up in south jersey, and being able to drive a few minutes down the road to places like  Scotto’s, Passirello’s, King of Pizza or head down the shore for Brother’s, Manco and Manco (previously Mack and Manco) and Sam’s. Or even cross the bridge and head into Philly and indulge in pizza from Santucci’s, Little Italy Pizza, and Old City Pizzeria. But this ladies and gentlemen, this was not pizza.

Let me start by saying the only saving grace this pizza had was appearance. You know the old saying when you see a girl from the distance and you think they’re a smoke-show but when she gets closer, she looks like the bottom of sneaker “good from far, but far from good?” Well that’s this pizza. On the internets, the pictures of the pizza look extremely good and delicious. Cheese looks perfectly melted, toppings perfectly placed and a couple little dark brown spots of where the crust has been crisped up just perfectly. And even in person fantastic presentation. But other than that pass pass pass.

Another heinous lie they pull you in with is thinking this is gonna be some good za, is the “square” style. And I’m not talking like scicilian, I’m talking about like Santucci’s Square slices. Here is a Santucci’s pie: thumb_600

Santucci’s to me is one of the best pizzas I have had to date. And my brother and his girlfriend make trips their once or twice a month to get their fix, that’s how fucking good that shit is.

Now here is that bull shit Joe Squared calls pizza: joe

This shit was made on top of a box of Manischewitz Matzos.

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No fucking difference in crust texture, thickness, taste. Honestly I would rather eat a box of matzos over this pizza any day of the week.

Now again, I know some people may enjoy this bullshit style of pizza, but if “Joe Knows” what is good for him, he would just call this brick oven matzos with tomato and cheese on it, so he can stop lying to the beautiful artsy fartsy hipsters of Baltimore. If I had to grade this out of 10, it would be a 3.7 and that’s a little generous, because again the appearance was great and the sauce wasn’t a total abortion.

Any way I gotta stop writing before I become even more nauseated from this joke of a claim of “BEST PIZZA in Maryland” FUCK OFF JOE2!

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