It’s Finally Friggin’ Football Season
Do you smell that? Do ya? It’s college football season baby and it’s barreling down at us. The sweet smell of pigskin on a Saturday morning gets you all nimbly bimbly and ready to take on the day by sitting on the couch for 12 hours. Nothing better.
So I need to get something off my chest now and its that I am a die hard Notre Dame fan. However, my Notre Dame takes, like the takes you will read here, are always brutally honest and if a team stinks out loud then I am going to tell you that and the same goes for my beloved Irish.
Now onto the Big Ten which is by far my favorite conference. Not sure if it’s the history or the teams but there’s just something about it that I love. I am going to rank each team based on how I think they will finish, predict their record and compare them to a fine cuisine or some kind of Arby’s sandwich (looking at you Purdue). Off to the rankings!
Ohio State – 13-0 (10-0) East Champs
Now I am probably the number one Ohio State hater on this site and I am not afraid to admit that but man do I respect them. Urban just keeps plucking these 4 and 5 star recruits and there is no end in site. So JT Barrett is a proven senior leader but did that goose egg against Clemson show a big weakness? Yes it did. However, I still believe they are by far the best team in this conference and will be a playoff contender at seasons end.
The Dish – Give me a big ole porterhouse steak and some mashed taters.
Michigan – 10-2 (7-2)
Yes I get it they lost a ton of starters but you know what they didn’t lose? Those khaki pants on the sidelines. As long as crazy Joe Davola is roaming those sidelines you can bet Michigan is going to have 9 or 10 wins and will have a shot against Ohio State at the end. If they can get these young guys going and if Wilton Speight can secure this job then watch out.
The Dish – Spaghetti and Meatballs. Add in like 3 loaves of bread and a gallon of milk for ole Jimmy boy and this is your Wolverines year in and year out.
Penn State -10-2 (7-2)
Not gonna lie here. I think Penn State is talented but I just don’t see them duplicating last years magic. The hype train seems to be rolling a little too fast for the lions and reality will set in this year. Still a good season for them with McSorley and Barkley leading the offense but I see them dropping both games to Ohio State and Michigan this season. I may have to eat crow on this one come December but that’s the beauty of college football.
The Dish – I think a nice Chilean Sea Bass fits the Nittany Lions. Good taste and classy enough but it just doesn’t quite fill you up.
Michigan State – 7-5 (5-4)
Will someone get these guys a QB!!!! I mean you have seen what Dantonio can do with a B+ guy back there but they have been walking out some C- garbage lately. Marky Mark always has a great running game and solid defense so I do see an improvement from last year. I think 8 wins is their max but I am looking forward to see what the Spartans do in the Big Ten.
The Dish – We’ve got an ole fashioned well done piece of steak here boys and girls. That’s Spartan football baby. Tough.
Maryland – 5-7 (3-6)
Man if only the Terps played in the West. This division is just brutal but Maryland is doing some thangs and I see a 5 or 6 win season being a success. Recruiting is looking solid and in a couple of years I could see them making a push for an East title but with the Buckeyes, Wolverines and Nittany Lions in this division it would mean a one year magical run.
The Dish – It’s Maryland so we need to run with some crabs here. I am going to stick with some Soft Shell Crabs. Just not tough enough for me yet but they will get there.
Indiana – 5-7 (3-6)
It seems every year they take a good team or two down to the wire but in the end the talent just isn’t there to close out the win. Still its a new regime in Bloomington and like the Terps 4-5 wins is probably all you will see out of the Hoosiers this year.
The Dish – A turkey club fits these guys. Not bad but not great. Forgettable at best.
Rutgers – 3-9 (1-8)
Will someone get this team out of the Big Ten!!! Like Rutgers just screams AAC to me. I mean I get it they had a nice run 10 years ago and the media market is what the Big 10 wants but the product has just been piss poor. It looks like they are expecting some better things this year but I don’t see many wins on this schedule.
The Dish – Some North Jersey/NYC street garbage on a stick.
Wisconsin – 11-2 (8-2) West Champs
I want to start by saying this schedule is SOFT. And I mean like extra Charmin soft. However, Wisconsin is not soft. They are a hard nosed ball control team with a solid defense. If Hornibrook can progress off of last years season Wisconsin should roll into the Michigan game at 10-0. It’s at that point that Michigan should be settled in and I don’t see the Badgers pulling out that win. Some are calling Wisconsin a legit playoff contender but for me the only way they get there is by going undefeated and winning the Big Ten or by losing to Michigan on some last second play and then winning the Big Ten title game against Ohio State.
The Dish – A fat porkroll egg and cheese sammy. I’ll take that all day everyday. I could’ve went brats but that just seemed too lazy.
Nebraska – 8-4 (6-3)
Gone are the days of Tommy Frazier running the load option and shitting all over everybody. These Cornhuskers really just don’t do it for me anymore. They are going to get you 8 or 9 wins but you really aren’t going to care. Great fan base though and I would like to get out to Lincoln for a game one day. If they are on the tube I will watch but I won’t get too excited. Sorry…but not sorry.
The Dish – Some good Vanilla Bean ice cream going on here. Just blah.
Northwestern – 9-3 (6-3)
Color me optimistic but I like the Wildcats to bounce back this year. The Fighting Fitz’s always seems to under achieve when people are picking the Cats and then over achieve when they aren’t on anyone’s radar. Clayton Thorson is very underrated and since they are in the West they can take down anyone in this division, even Wisconsin if they play their A game. Keep your eyes on the Cats. I see good things this year in Evanston.
The Dish – Mom’s homemade mac n cheese.
Minnesota – 6-6 (3-6)
Alright so PJ Fleck is a little over zealous for me sometimes but I do believe he is a good coach and is a perfect fit for the Gophers. I think he will have them in the 7 to 8 win range consistently with a 9 or 10 win run sprinkled in every 4 or 5 years if he can get the right pieces together and avoid the big boys in the East. Fleck will be the king of the 3 stars and molding them into a low 4 star by the time they graduate. Minnesota will basically be Northwestern with different colors and a little more consistency year in and year out.
The Dish – A nice cheesesteak sandwich. I once heard that in Minnesota a cheesesteak is literally a steak on a roll with a slice of cheese. Not sure if that is a myth or not but that’s what I am rolling with.
Iowa – 6-6 (3-6)
Nebraska Lite? More or less but there’s something about that black and yellow that I love. Always a good running game and they are just a good QB away from competing in the West. I don’t like Iowa here but I also don’t hate them. 6 to 7 wins is right in their wheelhouse.
The Dish – Another scoop of Vanilla Bean ice cream but give me some jimmies on that bad boy this time.
Purdue – 3-9 (2-7)
LOVE me some Purdue but my god do they suck. They basically invented the spread with Brees and the boys and were so exciting to watch growing up. I know they call Purdue the Cradle of Quarterbacks but lately they have been the Cradle of Transfer Quarterbacks and not in the good way. I never got how Etling and Appleby aren’t good enough for 3-9 Purdue but they can somehow start in the SEC? That’s a noodle scratcher at the least. However, I like the Brohm hire and think he will have Purdue rolling in 3 or 4 years. Until then they are still looking for the next baby faced Kyle Orton with the worst facial hair ever. Oh the good ole days.
The Dish – One of the 40 different roast beef sandwich’s Arby’s serves up. Just utter garbage.
Illinois – 2-10 (0-9)
Da Bears! But no Lovie this isn’t the Bears and you need to stop offering scholarships to 10 year old kids because your team is some shit. So stop it! Illinois is like Purdue for me where they may get back there if Lovie can figure this thing out but I just can’t buy that yet. I need to see some improvement from them this year and then we will take another look at the Illini.
The Dish – A poop sandwich.
Big Ten Winner: Ohio State Buckeyes
At seasons end I will recap my predictions and rip myself a new one for the teams I completely whiffed on. Up next is the my Pac 12 breakdown which will be out later this week.