JG Original: Big Al’s Guide to Thanksgiving

Despite My 6’4″ 135 lb shredded frame (shut up Leer)  I’m not, nor have I ever been a big fan of Thanksgiving. Now how in the world can Big Al not be a fan of Thanksgiving, you’re probably asking yourself? Well I’ll tell you, and no it has nothing to do with the politics behind the whole holiday… it’s literally just me not giving a damn about a day dedicated to being glutinous. I’m a MF’ing adult, don’t tell me when I can eat and that I can devour as much as I want too yo. That’s called Tuesday’s for me.. better yet I do that shit whenever I feel like it (also when my broke ass has the money for it).

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Yes I know the main reason for Thanksgiving is to be thankful and grateful… Charlie Brown taught me that, but this is a food blog. So I’m focusing on the food aspect you dweebs (sidenote: Dweebs isn’t used nearly enough anymore, I’m gonna try & bring that back). Also I think it might be something subconsciously telling me not to eat so much on that day because people will be watching, waiting & then inevitably asking me “Well  DAMN how much you gonna eat?”… “Alan you not full yet?!”…”What number plate you on big fella?”… “DAMN you sure can put it away can’t you?”… “How much you weigh now?!”. Well Uncle Lou how about you STFU, mind your business, & pass the stuffing that’s how much I weigh…. fucking  dweeb (told you I’m bringing it back).  Another reason I’m not a huge fan of Thanksgiving is because I’m not a fan of turkey, yes I know there’s ham, chicken etc. but when you think ff Thanksgiving you think of turkey. I mean the holidays nickname is literally “Turkey Day”.

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*Akeem from Coming To America voice*  Although I’m one of the head Board Members/Founding Fathers of P.S.B. (PORK SWEAT BOYS, WE ALL WE GOT) I’m actually not crazy about ham during Thanksgiving either. Now some leftover ham I’ll kill that all day! Ham sammiches, ham omelets, ham salad, green eggs and ham… the list goes on and on, but eating it freshly cooked was never my thing. I certainly will still eat SOME of the ham on Thanksgiving but not a lot of it.

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My family celebrates Thanksgiving a tad bit different then the “norm”, actually come to think about it we celebrate it the way it should be celebrated. We always go to Brooklyn to celebrate with our family up there. Now the thing that makes it so different is that there has been times where I’ve seen 50+ people just spread out and about in two separate Brownstones. Luckily they’re next to each other… within that group of people you’ll find some family, extended family, friends, lovers, neighbors, coworkers etc. Within that there are different races, cultures, and religious beliefs. You never know, you may be sitting there with someone who is Filipino, someone who’s Dominican, Puerto Rican, Jamaican, African, Targaryen.. you just never know. For the most part they also bring dishes that stem from their respective backgrounds, making it a real eclectic affair. Okay with all that out the way let’s get to the main point of this damn post, here’s my guide to Thanksgiving.


Top 3 Items On Big Al’s Plate

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1.) The main Item that will always be found on my plate during Thanksgiving is stuffing.  No lie, one year I literally ate nothing but stuffing for Thanksgiving. I don’t care what kind of stuffing it is either, as long as it’s GOOD.
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2.) Seafood Paella has started becoming a favorite of mine these last few Thanksgiving’s. One of my cousin’s is dating a Hispanic woman and her family always makes it…. it’s DELICIOUS! I was going to give ya’ll a full breakdown of what’s in it but I got things to do and Google always works… so get on it dweebs and thank me later.
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3.) Arroz Con Pollo / Mac N Cheese rounds out my rankings. Those of you that have been following the blog and podcast know that I’m a rice fanatic & Arroz Con Pollo is just Spanish rice & chicken. Fantastic. I also placed Mac N Cheese here because although  I’m not a big mac N cheese person per say, I will always get some on Thanksgiving.
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3 Items That Better Not Show Their Face On My Plate

IMG_26281.) Collard Greens/Cabbage/Green Beans w/ Almonds …. yeah I know this is technically three items listed…. F**k You.
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2.) Cranberry Sauce (Canned Or Homemade)
3.) Chitterlings… and I’m still P.S.D. TIL I D.I.E.! F**k You Kev!

Big Turkey Day Polls From Big AL 

While coming up this piece of written art I decided to do some good ol’ fashioned journalism and polled 10 of my coworkers. I asked them what’s their top 3 favorite and least favorite items at the Thanksgiving dinner table, here are the results:

Top 3 Favorites
1.) Mac N Cheese
2.) Collard Greens
3.) Stuffing
Bottom 3
1.) Chitterlings  (F**k You Again Kev)
2.) Cranberry Sauce
3.) This was a surprising tie between turkey and anything pork. (and hush yes I know chitterlings are pork)

Dessert

As far as desserts go… I’m not a light skin male named Kenny or Bill so I really could care less about dessert but to keep with the spirit of the post here are my top 3 desserts that Big Al would partake in:

1.) Sweet Potato Pie (NOT PUMPKIN PIE). I actually just recently started messin with sweet potato pie on a regular basis so it takes the top spot… don’t you dare judge me.
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2.) Coquito Cupcakes. If you’ve been paying attention I stated earlier that my cousin is dating a Hispanic woman and her family has been blessing us with homemade coquito (Spanish eggnog) and Coquito Cupcakes the past few years. They’re nothing short of spectacular.
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3.) Now I really don’t have a 3rd dessert but if I suppose if I had to pick one it would be Caribbean Rum Cake…. enough of that shit and you’ll have to call a Uber to get home.
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 This concludes Big Al’s Guide to Thanksgiving. I enjoyed it because you probably won’t get another post, aka this fine art, until 2018. As always if my opinions get your blood boiling and you think I’m just flat wrong… too bad dweeb, this is my damn post. If I don’t want to eat your aunties dry ass turkey I’m not gonna eat turkey dammit. If I want my whole Thanksgiving meal to consist of nothing but sides I will do just that…. Why?! Because I’m an adult & I pay my MF’ing taxes. Hope you all enjoyed the art & if you see Terry around anywhere wish him Happy Holidays & let him know “HULK HOGAN I’M COMING FOR…. well ya’ll should know the rest. 

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