News – “We taste tested six fast-food biscuits and were genuinely surprised by our favorite” – Unlike other doughy treats, biscuits don’t usually call for proofing or rising. It makes them seem like a relatively uncomplicated indulgence.

Alas, there are plenty of ways to mess them up.

A blind taste test of the D.C. area’s fast-food biscuits brought to light a few lackluster options. That’s not to say they were all bad. In fact, the No. 1 pick genuinely surprised our judges, who had thought Chick-fil-A or Popeyes would have been the best of the bunch.

Judges were asked to sample six varieties; provide notes on texture, taste and appearance; and rate them on a scale of 1 to 5 — 1 being a “bad” biscuit they’d never want to eat again and 5 being the best biscuit they’d ever had. (Spoiler alert: None of them earned the top score of 5.) 

Below are our findings, ranked from least to most enjoyable.

Burger King’s biscuits were “dry to the eye,” according to one tester. (Holley Simmons/The Washington Post)

Average score: 1.5

Comments: It tastes like lies. Too dense. Looks dry to the eye. It’s very dry, as though it’s been sitting out too long. It has a cracker-like flavor. Doesn’t taste like a biscuit. Like cardboard. This biscuit tastes like disappointment. It’s too crumbly. A cake-like rock. Dense, dry, requires a gallon of water after chewing. I feel as though the bottom crust will get caught in my throat. Made an audible crunch when I bit into it. Tastes like eating a salty rock.

First Big Al’s slander and now this, I will not stand for all this Popeye’s biscuit slander…the very same biscuits that were the inspiration behind one of the best vines ever created.


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