JG Original: Fuck What You Like – Cauliflower

Cauliflower, Cauliflower, Cauliflower

Someone please put me out of my misery with this new health trend; I think it’s helpful to note that I pretty much hate all health trends, well not all but definitely most. We must stop with this tasteless madness. I will be objective and agree that the health benefits are great, and the ways you can transform Cauliflower seem almost endless. In my sous chef days my boss put General Tso’s cauliflower on the menu and it was actually pretty good.

Here in lies my problem. I just can’t stand the way people get carried away and ruin a good thing. Oprah, cauliflower mashed potatoes, really though? Shoprite, cauliflower bits for coleslaw? That shit is blasphemous. Every 10 minutes on my IG stream some bullshit cauliflower recipe… random white girl your cauliflower pizza looks fucking gross

Cauliflower rice, probably taste good but sounds horrible, what’s next cauliflower cheesesteak Atkins style with no roll!

I’m all for the notion of taking care of yourself, in moderation of course. I guess it kind of comes down to two premises that I’m actually upset about and not the cauliflower itself. One- the fact that you vegans are trying to transform your tasteless diet to mirror that of us glorious carnivores. Stop trying to appropriate our culture; I mean let’s call a spade a spade, you know what life you choose, so eat your wheat grass and stfu.

Two, the whole monkey see monkey do effect these health crazes have on everyone is very off-putting. One day your following whatever health trend rears its head, but two months later you right back on that meat train.

I hate to sound like a hater, but sometimes it’s healthy, no pun intended, to release toxins and spew some poison. My way of spitting my poisonous darts is by shittin’ on cauliflower I guess. Truth be told if you genuinely want to take a healthier approach to transform and cleanse your body you have my full support. It’s you wishy-washy individuals that irritate me and end up right back where you started when said trend has run its course. There’s definitely a lesson in here to be learned kids, just don’t be a follower. The only thing you should follow is @werjustgrubbin on your social media, and yes that’s an official plug.


If you enjoyed this, check out more posts from the Just Grubbin team here! Also make sure to listen to The Just Grubbin podcast to hear us go into further detail about this and to hear all of our random irreverent takes on food, drink and whatever else.

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