munchies.vice.com – These days, ranch dressing has a bad name. From outright disgust at the Hidden Valley ranch keg to countless hot takes arguing against that succulent white cream, ranch has a bad rap on the internet.
But we all secretly know ranch is actually good. Where else can you find a sauce that can cut the sharp heat of a spicy chicken wing just as easy as add a new dimension to raw broccoli? What other condiment can pair equally with pepperoni pizza and potato chips? What other food item has inspired everything from soda to Doritos locos tacos? Everything can be improved by ranching it up.
Frankly, a ranch keg isn’t far enough. Give me ranch fountains, ranch swimming pools, and ranch rivers. When I die, cryogenically preserve my head in a tank of ranch dressing so I can one day be resurrected and taste the ranch of the future.
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