News – “Mystic Pig Receives Death Threats After False World Cup Prediction”

munchies.vice.com – Mystic Marcus predicted England would beat Croatia on Tuesday, and now fans want him turned into bacon for his error.

The whole of England is a little bit in their feelings today, after the national team’s devastating loss to Croatia in the FIFA World Cup semifinal match. This game was the farthest the team had made it in the international tournament in almost 30 years, and the entire country had waited on bated breath to see if they would finally bring home their second victory ever, and their first since beating West Germany in 1966. And every drunk fan in every pub across the country was scream-singing this songabout a football coming home or something—it was crazy, alright?

Then, Croatia, the underdog story of this year’s tournament, clinched the win in yesterday’s match with a second goal in extended play—and England’s fans werepissed. Heartbroken and disappointed in their team, sure—but mostly pissed. Like, blood-thirsty, fire-spitting anger. And much of their vitriol was directed at a pig named Marcus.

Mystic Marcus is an eight-year-old micro pig who had, heretofore, successfully predicted the outcome of many important world events, from Brexit to the 2016 American presidential election. On Tuesday morning, popular UK morning show This Morning hosted a segment where Mystic Marcus predicted that England would win that evening’s match against Croatia. (Marcus makes his predictions by slowly ambling toward a group of apples marked with flags of the teams’ countries skewered into them. On yesterday’s segment, he made a beeline for the England apples, making his prediction seem pretty dang certain.)


Damn this is a good life lesson right here…everyone’s loving you one second and the next second they want to turn you into bacon. Nah but forreal guys, you should never take sports seriously to the point you start threatening Wilbur and shit.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply