News – “KFC will give you $11,000 in exchange for your child’s eternal misery”

thetakeout.com – Prospective parents, what are you planning to name your babies? Emma? Liam? So flash-in-the-pan. (I mean really, who thinks Emma or Liam could stand the test of time?) KFC would like to instead to consider naming your bundle of joy Harland, just like the Colonel himself. The fried chicken chain would so much like to ruin your child’s life that they will pay you $11,000 to do so (11 herbs and… yeah, yeah you got it). Here are those finger-lickin’ details:

You’ll have to give birth on the Colonel’s birthday, September 9. I know, what the hell, right? KFC, if you’re going to offer this up, you could have at least given us…I don’t know, nine months notice? So yeah, birth your baby on September 9 and name them Harland, then enter them into the contest here, and wait to hear if you’ve won after the contest closes October 9. (This means that you could, in fact, name your baby Harland and not win the money, which would be the ultimate kick in your Famous Bowls.

If you were already planning to give birth September 9 and name your baby Harland, hey, you can now tell them they’re named in honor of a fast-food mascot instead of creepy Uncle Harland.


So yeah, birth your baby on September 9 and name them Harland, then enter them into the contest here, and wait to hear if you’ve won after the contest closes October 9. (This means that you could, in fact, name your baby Harland and not win the money, which would be the ultimate kick in your Famous Bowls.

See nah this is that bullshit, if I name my damn baby Harland I need to be guaranteed that 11k or at least some sort of compensation. I feel like this is one of those things that got wheeled out from marketing after 10 minutes of deliberation.

Leave a Reply