boston.com – Police in Gilbert, Minnesota, are warning residents about a group of youthful residents unable to handle their alcohol. They’ve been drifting around town looking disoriented, narrowly avoiding getting hit by cars.
But these aren’t teenagers getting drunk. Instead, it’s the local bird population.
“The Gilbert Police Department has received several reports of birds that appear to be ‘under the influence’ flying into windows, cars and acting confused,” Police Chief Ty Techar wrote in a statement Tuesday. An early frost meant that berries had fermented earlier than usual, he explained, and birds were eating them and getting drunk.
Incidents around town involving intoxicated birds appear to be more prevalent than in past years, Techar added, because many have not yet migrated south. “It appears that some birds are getting a little more ‘tipsy’ than normal,” he wrote. “Generally, younger birds’ livers cannot handle the toxins as efficiently as more mature birds.”
He concluded: “There is no need to call law enforcement about these birds as they should sober up within a short period of time.”
You replace “birds” in that headline with black male and folks you have a summary of Lauren’s whole 2014-2015 while me and Jay we’re roommates in the bachelor pad.