News – “Man Caught on Camera Shoving Entire Subway Footlong Down His Pants” (Florida) – Earlier this year, Subway CEO Trevor Haynes announced that the sandwich chain would no longer force its franchisees to sell $5 footlongs. In an interview with USA Today, Haynes said that a large number of franchise owners were way over that promotion, mostly because they struggled to turn a profit on those deeply discounted—but very popular—sandwiches.

“How do we help our franchises with more of a regional value message, so they’re able to [have] a value proposition that fits with their economic model,” Haynes said in September. “If you look at California, there’s a very different cost of business than in Arkansas.”

That’s true. And it’s also true that there’s a different cost of business in Florida, where one customer was caught on camera shoving a footlong sub down his pants before walking out of the store without paying for it. The $0 Footlong wasn’t some kind of flash sale: it was just a random dude in a backwards baseball cap deciding that he’d rather let his food touch his junk than hand over a fiver and change.

According to the Polk County Sheriff, the incident took place at a Subway that is inside a Marathon Gas Station in Lakeland, Florida. The Sheriff’s Department is also professional enough to refrain from making the kinds of jokes that could be made about this situation. “While inside the business, the suspect concealed a foot long sandwich in the front of his pants. Now, stop right there. We know what you are thinking,” they wrote on Facebook. “Please resist—this is a respectable Facebook page. We are just reporting the facts.”

Fuckin Florida, man. Theres something in the water down there that makes them a special breed of something. Still cant figure out why all the cool news comes from this state, but I aint mad that it does. Another thing i cant figure out is how does this even take place?? I have a subway on campus, and my man always puts my sando in the bag, then hands me the bag after I pay. WHY IS THIS SANDWICH JUST SITTING ON THE COUNTER!!!!??? I also cant wrap my head around why he needed to put it in his pants? Just tuck that sammy high and tight with 3 points of contact and start stiff arming people as you run out the restaurant. Like no ones gonna stop you cuzzie, just take off. If one were to take sides in this case, im siding with home boy. I’m not promoting stealing (maybe) but alls im saying is dont be a dumb ass and leave my mans sandwich out in the open for him to throw down his pants. SHAME ON YOU SUBWAY.

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